England Vs Germany

Ever since the end of World War II, England Vs Germany has been more than just a game of football; it means War! The English never miss an opportunity to remind the Gerry, Bosch or Krauts which side eventually came up trumps at the end of the biggest blood-bath in human history.

When I arrived at "Mike's Place" to meet my friend Dan from back in "Blighty", the place was overloaded with rowdy Englishmen alternating between drunken renditions of "God Save the Queen" and "Rule Britannia", during which time the TV screens were warming up the fans with highlights of England's victory over Germany in the 1966 World Cup final, a comforting moment to fall back on every time we lose again.

Once the Germans took an early lead after a typical, basic error in the English defence, English gazes quietly turned towards the three Germans in the crowd who were brave enough to jump up and down cheering. I thought they were gonna be bundled over. When England went two goals down, a few more Germans found their confidence, while the English hurled vulgar abuse at the TV screens. I wasn't the only one getting that familiar feeling of "here we go again!"

But England world cup games are never void of drama, and Upson's headed goal shortly afterwards got the crowd going again, with chants of "Enger-land, Enger-land, Enger-land", and the somewhat more controvertial, "My grandad killed your grandad", a war reference aimed at the German fans of course; I told you it's war.

When Frank Lampard's blatant goal was disallowed, the place was in uproar, with German faces looking slightly shell-shocked and angry English fans chanting, "The referee's a Nazi", and the very unsubtle, "I would rather be a Muslim than a Kraut". Well, an England game wouldn't be an England game without an incident to make the English feel they were robbed (Maradona's hand of God amongst others) and give us something to complain about after we eventually lose.

England's pressure in the second half kept us all hopeful for a comeback, but two German goal-scoring breaks in close succession put an end to that. Well at least the English fans kept their sense of humour with enthusiastic chants of "We're shit, and we know we are" and "We're going home, we're going home".

We might be rubbish at the game we invented, but nobody can deny that we were bloody entertaining.

And now that we've lost, let's not forgot to remind "Gerry" that we won the war anyhow!